Emotions

Happiness is…

seeing Master’s face on video chat for the first time in about a month.

being able to talk about TTWD on video chat for the first time in about two months.  This involved me sitting topless for a couple hours in the bedroom trying not to laugh at the shit-eating grin on His face.  Not very Dommy.  But i loved every minute of it.

Nervousness is…

apparent and written all over my face.  i’m trying to find my center again after a rough couple of days.  The separation, nearing 6 months now, weighs heavily on me (and Him).  It affects all aspects of our lives, not just TTWD.  But i’m having difficultly keeping my stress from our regular life from bleeding into TTWD and fucking up my submission.  A major blowup earlier this week had Master instructing me to remove my training collar until i could earn it back.  It’s made me falter in my interactions and second-guess every word about to leave my mouth.  Is this what i am supposed to say?  Does He want my honest feelings?  Or what i’m supposed to feel if i was in the right place mentally?  Ugh.  (We talked this all out and i have a better handle on where i am and where i need to be.  And we discussed a couple of things that were bothering me.)

Excitement is…

knowing that tomorrow Master will be alone in a hotel room with wifi and video chat!  i can’t wait to be able to follow His commands and see Him…not follow words on a screen or an emailed set of instructions and make a video that He’ll see weeks later.

Disappointment is…

my body hating me so much that my period (“regulated” by the pill, ha) showed up a week early to fuck up this live video play opportunity.  Yes, we’ll have some fun, but not the fun that we’ve been anticipating and looking forward to for months.  Ugh.