Peace

i feel at peace with my submission…it feels right in a way that i wouldn’t have thought possible.  Really?  you?  100% snarky smartass control freak is completely at peace letting her husband have complete control over her body, her mind, and sexual experience?  You’re ok with calling Him Master or Sir?  Not to mention kneeling in front of Him in obedience, deference, and respect.  Me from 5 years ago would have dragged the submissive me kicking and screaming by the hair out of here.  Me from 5 years ago wanted kinky, naughty, dirty, mind-blowing sex…but she wanted to be in control of her orgasms.  Giving up control, letting a man or a woman be in charge was not in the cards.  No way, no how.

What a change.  What a discovery. 

i know it’s easy right now because He’s not here.  i know the real test is when He comes home and TTWD actually becomes TTWD.  No longer words on a page, a list of rules and a contract, but an actual life lived in practice.  Completely certain that my smart ass mind and mouth are going to get me punished.  Certain my pussy will enjoy it while the rest of my body screams in protest.   Perfection isn’t a requirement, just a willingness to learn and grow.

One of the reasons that i’m at peace; from a conversation with Him…

 We build to it. I’m not going to walk in the door and expect that we can act like we have been doing this for years. We know what we want. We know the expectations, but we have to learn more. I have to learn everything about what makes you tick and cum; the subtle differences in tone, mannerism, and words. you have to do the same. It won’t always work. Sometimes we will hurt or frustrate the other. But it’s all for the end goal of building to a better togetherness, mind blowing orgasms and unbelievable intimacy. I don’t expect the world on day 1, only the chance to start laying the bricks to build it.