This post has taken me forever to write. Not entirely sure why but i’ve been
procrastinating it something fierce.
Maybe it’s because it involves me eating my own words. i actually tried
to go find the exact words that needed to be eaten, but they’re buried in 300k+
Facebook messages. i think it went something like this…
i’m not interested in
the pain aspect of this. i like the
bondage and the breath play and the service, and i’m ok with pain for
pleasure. But i’m don’t want to be
spanked or beaten repeatedly or super hard, it’s not a turn on for me.
Be careful…your words will come back to haunt you.
It started with a comment that i made while writing about my
new nipple piercings. i said that i was
a little disappointed that it hadn’t hurt more.
Master decided that we needed to explore this. He knew.
They always do.
i was lying on a blanket on our living room floor. my legs are spread, knees bent. my cell phone was on the floor next to me,
Master’s voice reaching out to me, giving me instructions. Our video camera recorded my training session
for Master to view later.
Massage your pussy, the outside, around your lips. Slow, circular
motions. Breathe in and out, deeply,
slowly.
i comply, staring up at the ceiling fan above me turning
slowly, the circulated air cooling my bare flesh. Goosebumps form on my arms and legs. Master’s voice is low and soothing.
We’re going to be working on a
scale of 1-10, scarlet. 1 being very
light and 10 being as hard as you can.
Take Trixie (our leather paddle) and give me 5 smacks on your
pussy at a 3. Then go back to massaging.
Just the sound of His voice has me
wet. i take Trixie in my right
hand. One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
Each light smack makes my legs tremble.
i thank Master after i have finished and massage while i wait for His
instructions.
Do you want more? Are You
fucking kidding me? Of course, i want
more. That was barely anything. i just thought that. i answered Him with an appropriate Yes Master.
10 smacks on your pussy at a 4,
breathe in and smack yourself as your breathe out. i
don’t know if you’ve ever had to self-punish before, but there’s a lot going on
right here. i had to focus on my
breathing. Then hitting myself in the
right spot at the right strength, and only as i was breathing out. Yeah, that didn’t work very well.
Do you want more? Yes
Master, i want more! At this point, i’m getting annoyed at this slow
pace. i’m extremely turned on but i’m
not progressing. But i’m not in control
of this training experience and i must be patient. Though Master senses my frustration in my
voice.
Alright my little pain slut, 15
at a 5, faster pace.
As the count (in sets of 10 and
15) and the intensity (up to 7 and 8) and the pace increase, so did my
excitement. My pussy was so wet, my legs
shaking, i felt on the edge of coming the entire time. Harder, faster, stronger…eventually getting
the hang of breathing out as i smacked my pussy with the leather paddle. Even with being able to brace myself, knowing
when each smack was coming, i still jumped a little at each one. But with the sharp pain came the most intense
feelings of excitement and pleasure. i
wanted more, i wanted harder. Though
there was only so hard that i was going to be able to smack myself. Listening to Master’s voice direct me just
made me long for Him to be there in the room, taking over.
Yet the entire time my brain is
spinning and i’m struggling to grasp what i’ve gotten myself into. The inner struggle begins. My pussy loves this! My brain is screaming fuck no! You
don’t want this. You never wanted
this. Why are you enjoying this? What is wrong with you?
i don’t really think anything is
wrong with me, just that my desires and wants are evolving as my submission
evolves. What i do know is that since
that first training day, my fantasies and my desires have taken a darker turn
down a path that i never imagined that i would want. i am learning to embrace this new part of my
submission…becoming His pain slut.
More to come…
