Firsts and Changes

The weeks since Master has returned have been a whirlwind of settling back into routines and trying new things.  i wish i could say that it's been smooth; that we melded seamlessly into this dynamic that we spent 6 months carefully crafting via Facebook and email.  But it didn't.  Real life is messy and it gets in the way of the fantasy.

i (and Master too for that matter) completely underestimated my emotional response.  Everything those first couple of weeks was so overwhelming.  Not usually in a bad way either.  It was just so much input and so much for my overly analytical brain to process that i couldn't keep up (and i still haven't mastered shutting it off).  i would frequently start crying when i didn't mean to or want to.  Then i would worry that Master would think that something was wrong when there wasn't (again all up in my head).  There were times where i felt i couldn't breathe. But i didn't know what was wrong or how to fix it.

After a long absence, there's a lot of just normal everyday stuff that has to be adjusted.  Handing over the remote.  Not stepping on each other's toes regarding the kids.  Learning to talk to another adult after talking to 3 kids all the time.  Having someone's shoes to trip over (and biting my tongue when i almost break my neck).

In the midst of all this adjustment, we had some pretty incredible firsts.  Some may be the subject of future posts as i try to get caught up a bit on my blogging (apologies in advance because it'll probably be a little scattered and out of order).  Some i think i'll just keep as really good memories between us.

i've already written about how incredible worshipping his cock was for the first time.  It's one of my favorite things and favorite ways to serve Him.  The first time i sucked his cock while riding a dildo on the Liberator cushion was really intense for me.  So many different ways that this has been incorporated into our dynamic in the past few weeks and so many more ways that we've discussed and just not had the chance to try!

My first punishment was another first (didn't take very long either, lol).  We had been out on a date; i wasn't being very respectful and forgetting my manners.  While the date was absolutely wonderful, towards the end a disagreement about where to go next and how to get there (and falling back into old habits)...it wasn't very pretty and there wasn't a resolution before we gave up and went to bed.  In the morning, we hashed it out with cooler heads and Master gave out his discipline.  i had to strip in the living room and kneel with my face in the chair and my ass up.  He took his belt to my ass, several hard smacks that brought tears to my eyes as i tried not to cry out apologizing and thanking Him after each one.  Then He had me turn around and kneel and suck His cock.  When it was over, it was over.  There was no lingering resentment, no wondering if He was still mad at me.  Despite not liking the spanking (and why is it that i love getting beat for fun, but hate getting beat for punishment?), the closure was great.  He wrapped me in his arms when i was finished servicing Him and told me that i had done well and that nothing more was to be made of the previous night's events.  The rest of the day was great.

Probably my favorite first was our first play session.  i wore my collar and cuffs for the first time for Him.  Lying down on our bed face down, wrists bound behind me and legs tied to the corners of the bed.  He took His time introducing our toys to my butt, leg, and back in His manner.  He went through all of them, varying the speed, the strength and location.  It completely overwhelmed me.  Not so much the pain; that i found i could take.  It's that pesky issue without forgetting to breathe when things get intense.  The more He changed toys, the more overwhelmed i got and then i got panicky which means i forgot to breathe more.  When i started to get panicky, He stopped to check on me which i didn't want (the stopping not the checking on me), but i was without words at the moment.  i just needed Him to slow down while i caught my breath.  Outside of that, it was fun and awesome to finally be able to play together.

Our relationship seem in a constant state of flux as we attempt to figure out what works and what doesn't.  Lots of changes to varying degrees.

• Changes to the way we communicate are a big one.  It goes beyond just remembering to say "Sir" and "Master".  i use "Sir" to some extent in front of the children.  i figure it can't hurt to remind them to be respectful.  It's remembering not to say "yeah" when he calls out for me or respond with "ok".  Though He is learning not the use "Ok?" because the natural response is "Ok."  i get called "slut" and "whore" as part of regular conversation now, even outside of sex talk.  Funny story - We're sitting on the couch and our daughter comes down the stairs behind us.  Master calls out, "Hey Slll....Hey."  i immediately crack up because i know he came half a second from calling our daughter a slut.  Which would not have been funny, but He stopped Himself.  

• There's more service in our relationship now.  i get up around 5am now to help Him get ready for work, make His morning coffee and breakfast, and see Him off.  This is a big change from rolling over when He woke up and pulling the blankets over my head.  i enjoy spending the time with Him in the morning, just us.  i wash His body when we shower together.  i make His drinks and serve Him as He asks, often coming to kneel at His feet to ask if He needs anything.  i don't feel the old emotions anymore that He's being self-centered or that He takes without giving back.  i enjoy serving Him.

• i no longer put school before everything else; staying up after He goes to bed to finish assignments.  (luckily, i've got 8 weeks to not worry about it at all now).  i go to bed with Him, even though that meant getting used to a bedtime before midnight after months of staying up will 1 or 2am.  Our relationship, our marriage, is our primary focus with new agreements regarding date nights and also time for ourselves away from the house (him-golf; me-pampering/movies/etc).  

We're still trying to figure out the rest of it.  Rules and routine, protocols.  The best thing is:  this is our life to build together and we have all the time in the world to figure it out, to make it what we want it to be.

hehe...this is post #69

On My Knees

From His first day home...

i follow Him up the stairs for the first time in 9 long months.  Still filled with the same nervous, excited energy that i've had all day.  i shut the door quietly behind me and pause.

Come here, scarlet.

i think my heart stopped right there for a second.  i know i got all goosebumpy.  i walked over and stood in front of Him.

Undress your Master, scarlet.

i slowly unbutton his shirt, enjoying the feeling of having my hands on Him again after so long.  i push the open shirt down his arms and let it fall to the floor.  My hands find his chest as my lips go to His.  They slide down his chest as we kiss, falling to his belt buckle, slowly unbuckling it.  Then the pants and sliding down the zipper, my lips on His.  i push his pants to the floor as i drop to my knees, then tug lightly on his boxers to pull them down.

i close my eyes and open them.  It's like unwrapping the best present ever!  His hard cock inches from my face. i lick my lips and look up at him, waiting.  He says nothing, just looks at me.

Oh.  Master may i worship your cock?

i've waited for so long to say those words.  So many conversations talking about it, planning for, imagining it.  This is better than all of it.

Yes you may.  Even better words to hear.

i wrap my hand around the base of his cock, stroking up, feeling and touching.  Getting myself reacquainted.  Hard.  Velvety.  Warm.

My pussy is wet and aching for Master's cock, but for now i'm satisfied with touch...and taste.

My tongue laps at the head, tasting the bit of precum there.  I pull just the tip into my mouth and roll my tongue around it.  i listen and delight in the groans of pleasure coming from Master; His hand goes to the top of my head and i know He's wanting more.  i flatten my tongue and slide His cock in.  The steel barbell running along the underside, adding to His pleasure.  i suck as i slide Him in and out, fondling His balls, or wrapping my hand around the base.  my left hand on the side of His thigh steadying myself.  i slide farther and farther, until i feel the head at the back of my throat pushing against me.

i. am. in. heaven.

i am thoroughly enjoying my worship of His cock, content to keep going until He cums.  But Master has other plans.  He pulls His cock out of my mouth and lifts me up off the floor.  Then he pushes me face down on the bed.  My pants come down.  His fingers roughly explore my wet pussy, bringing me quickly to the edge in a way only He can.  Then i'm flipped over onto my back and His cock slides into me.

My pussy is fucked hard and fast, on the edge of the bed.  i wrap my legs around Master's back, my arms around his neck...i want Him as close to me as possible as He fucks me until He cums.