Saturday, April 12, 2014

He's Home!

i am giddy like a school girl.   But just as nervous.  Biting my lower lip while i follow the 2-foot terrorist around the baggage area.  His plane is already on the ground and we are just waiting for Him to make His way down to the baggage area.

i grab the kid and divert him around in another direction.  He laughs and takes off.  My phone rings.  He's coming down.  The butterflies and nerves have not stopped all morning.  Eight months is a long fucking time to be apart.

i peer through the crowd headed my way for the baggage claim looking for my Master, my husband.  i scoop up our son and start talking about Daddy who he knows only from video and phone calls.  THERE HE IS!

My heart races, overwhelmed with love...with happiness...with desire.  We hug and kiss.  After so long, it's the simple things that mean the most.  Like being able to hold hands.  The toddler recognizes Daddy's voice but not his face.

Master has a colleague with Him so we hold back until after we drop him off.  Hands held in the car on the way home, leaning over to kiss passionately at each stop, leaning my head on His shoulder.  i missed Him so much.  i forgot how much (you get used to it after awhile) until He was there in front of me.

Being able to call Him "sir" and "Master" in person...seeing the smile on His face when i say it, these are the moments i waited for all these months.  It's only for 2 weeks, but we're going to make the most of it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Are you ready?

It's just after midnight on a Sunday.  i'm tired and my eyes from hours spent finishing up coursework for my two classes.  i yawn and rub my eyes, shut my laptop, and drag my weary body off the couch. i'm just about the turn off the TV when my cell phone rings.  There's only one person who calls this late, though it's morning where He's at.  Master.

"Hello Sir." i sigh.  i haven't talked to Him much in the last couple of days and due to some changes at His work there has been no play or conversations relating to my submission.

"Are you ready for me to come home?"  Yes, duh.  Been ready for months.  "Yes sir, i am."

"i'll be home in 3 days" He says.  WTF?! Why? We're still a month out.  My tired brain spins out while i sputter a response.  i don't remember the rest of our conversation that night.  When we hung up, i broke down sobbing so overwhelmed with emotion.  Then i fell asleep exhausted emotionally and physically.

i woke the next morning and my immediate first thought was that it had been a dream.  i grabbed my phone and looked for an email to prove that our conversation had actually taken place.  No, i'm not going crazy.  Yet.  There it was, an email from my Master outlining his itinerary home and letting me know what He expected me to get done for Him before His return. Cuz, no, the house wasn't clean...i have a terrorist for a toddler. 

The excitement starts to build in me.  He's coming home, He's coming home!  It's a bit bittersweet though.  It's just a temporary return, work-related.  He still has to leave again to go back for another couple of weeks.  But He'll be home for almost TWO WEEKS! (now you know where i've been hiding)

With the excitement came a whole wave of anxiety.  In no way did i feel like i was mentally prepared for His return.  i turned my focus to getting the house ready, shopping for groceries to prepare His favorite meals, and preparing to surprise our kids.  i tried to push all the anxiety down, swallow it, and ignore it.  i focused on my excitement about his return and finally being able to have TTWD be more than emails and phone calls and videos.

to be continued...

Friday, April 4, 2014

Answers: Pearl Necklace's Questions

These questions come from Pearl Necklace over at Happily Surrendered and Submissive.  My apologies for taking so long to get to them.  It's been a little crazy over here this past week few weeks.  (In a totally awesome way, which I'll get to in later posts!!!)

You talk about waiting to physically be reunited with your guy...Have you two shared this D/s life in person or did it start while you have been apart?

Master and i have been together for half a dozen years now.  We have had a fairly vanilla sex life during that time.  Occasionally, we'd try new things, but it didn't delve into anything really kinky until last summer.  i've been interested in (and have experimented with) elements of kink in other relationships, but always assumed that my husband wouldn't be interested in it.  We were both raised very traditionally and i have very different ideas about sex and relationships than He does.  Comments and small conversations early on in our relationship didn't make Him appear very open so i closed down that part of my sexuality.  That causes some problems.

Our communication was never very good, but we had a major fight last summer and after when we were calming down, i finally dropped this major bombshell: that i provoke or continue the arguments so that He'll get rough with me because it turns me on.  The make-up sex we had when He's still mad me, when it's rough, when He's forceful, that i need more of that.  That led to us experimenting with a few things, some rougher sex, some elements of D/s and kink.  Some things went well and we liked, some of what we tried didn't because we just needed more research and communication into what we liked and wanted.

But then he left...for 9 months.  Which makes further exploration really hard.  When you're separated and all you can do is talk, it allows you to work out some things.  We hit a few roadblocks in our marriage along the way, but TTWD has helped improve our communication and also allowed us to better see how we want to shape our future.  

One thing you NEVER thought you would try that you have or are now willing to?

i think the biggest thing that i never thought that i would try is our dynamic.  i always was drawn to kink: bondage, breath play, toys.  But never would I have thought that i would call my husband "Master" and "Sir" or enjoy it!  Or to allow another person to control ALL of my sexual experiences.  Seven months later, it feels natural.