Sunday, November 17, 2013

Limits Redux

A couple weeks ago, just after i wrote about my limits, a fellow blogger posted a series about one of her recent experiences.  If you haven’t read Little Girl’s blog, you should…

Aside from being really HOT (WOW!), it did give me something to ponder.  i thought i’d had my own limits figured out.  i’d already discussed them with Master and told  (Told?  Hmm.) Him what i wanted and didn’t want.  Every thing was good.  Yeah, right.

Of my limits, the one Master was most interest in pushing was bringing in another man.  This made me really uncomfortable.  I was perfectly fine with Him bringing in another woman, but the mention of another man makes my chest tight and i start to get panicky.  Pretty much “maybe one day, but i don’t want to talk about it right now” type of limit.

i have been trying to reflect on why one is a limit and not the other.  Why have i given a green light to another woman and not to another man?  What am i afraid of?  It is simply a fear of some sort.  There is no physical issue like there is for other limits.  What could be causing it, and is right?

it finally occurred to me that the issue was not just being with another man, but in my perception of myself and my perception of Master’s perception of me.  Only one time in my life have i ever gotten black-out drunk.  During that time, one of the few memories of that night was fooling around with a couple of my boyfriend’s best friends (handjobs only).  i hate that night.  i lost several hours that night, i have no idea what happen, and while i have been assured by many people that nothing bad happened to me, it really bothers me.. i DON’T lose control.  i have NEVER been that girl. 

It got me thinking if the issue is not that i wouldn’t enjoy it, but rather if i would and that that is what scares me.  That i’m afraid of what Master might think of me if i did enjoy it, enjoy being with another man.  Another woman is harmless enough because we would both enjoy her company.  Plus, Master already knows i enjoy eating pussy.  Another man is something different.  If i’m making this a limit because i don’t want Him to see me be a whore with another man, that’s wrong of me.  i’ve given Him control of my body, my sexual needs and desires.  i can’t turn around and say “no, you can’t see this part of me, just because i don’t want You too”

Master and i said that soft limits were things that we would discuss beforehand and that i could say no on if i felt uncomfortable with.  i found a new “yes-no-maybe” list.  This one is like 16 pages and full of stuff that i hadn’t even thought of.  i filled it out for Master and made some changes from the last one.  There’s still some “soft limit” stuff on there.  Yes, it’s stuff we’d probably discuss beforehand.  But i’m coming to a place where i don’t think that i will deny Him any of my soft limits.  My thought process is that i need to trust Him and let Him have the control over our mutual sexual experiences.  A lot of what i have as soft limits now are things that i’m not sure i can do physically (like prolonged bondage due to joint problems)  or it’s stuff that we have never tried before so for the sake of safety, a discussion beforehand is warranted.  i also think that once we experience a couple of them, they won’t be soft limits anymore and i wouldn’t need the “heads up” if you will.  i’m not saying that the experiences wouldn’t make me nervous or that i wouldn’t be afraid during some of them, but that i would go ahead with them because i love Him and trust Him and submit to Him.


  1. Mine was a 19 page questionnaire. There is a lot that one would never think would take part in this world. WOW! I think it is great you are pushing your soft limits. Question though. Why soft limits? Should it be either or? I understand you state sake of safety, etc, but in the end isn't it your Master's job to know those safety issues regardless if soft limit or 'yes, please lets do that'. I see you say to have the "heads up" but I guess I view as regardless where on the willingness level it should always be discussed if safety issue is a factor to begin with.

    You and I are on opposite spectrum. I will be happy to have another male come into our play, but a woman.. um, yeah. You definitely know my issue there. Oh, on of them being He would want/like her more than me. Yes, Sir is aware of my thinking on this as well.

    1. i agree it should be either or and pretty much it is. i guess used the term 'soft limits' for lack of a better one, because they aren't really limits at all. It's stuff that both of us are interested in, but have never tried and are not sure how well we'll enjoy it or if some of it is physically possible. There are many things that i've agreed to at any time with no prior knowledge and i enjoy not always knowing what's going to happen next (though sometimes it's a struggle for my Type-A personality).

      Yes, i agree that it is His job to know these safety issues. And i trust that He will do the research and know what He is getting us both into and what After Care is going to be necessary. Due to our inexperiences in these areas, a conversation before play to make sure that we're both on the same page and that we know what's going to happen just makes me more comfortable with trying some of these new experiences (damn type-As).

      Maybe the fact that we are married with kids, is what makes the jealousy/insecurity issues about another woman non-existent. i'm beginning to think that my issues are more His perception of me with another man, than whether or not i want to or could.

  2. I am so glad that my posts brought about further reflection and possibly an expansion of your limits. I think I filled out the same questionnaire that HS did. OH my gosh...there wasn't anything that it didn't cover!

    I was scared of both bringing in a woman or a man but for different reasons. Never being with a woman before, I am scared that I won't know what to do. Also, I know it's unlikely but what if I don't like it!

    1. at least you'll have tried it? Is He willing to say it's a one time only thing if you try it and it's not for you? Even though bringing someone else in is a big fantasy (man or woman) for Him, there is some baggage from the past (not related to me) that might mean that we try it once and then never do it again. He has some boundaries of His own that get pushed as we do this so i have to respect that too. Actually, i'm really proud of Him that we've gotten this far.

    2. That's a good question. I don't know what he would do if I didn't like it.

      I understand about the baggage. I had some hurdles to get over myself based on something I did in my past and I think my Master had no idea how he would handle the whole situation. It's one thing to fantasize about your wife being with someone else or servicing someone else but I imagine it's another to actually witness it. He said he was OK with it as long as I seemed to be enjoying myself.

      The one thing I don't think he will ever do is actually participate in a threesome with me and someone else...male or female. He will arrange everything and be there and participate in some aspects but he has some pretty big limits that like you said...I have to respect.

  3. I feel for you Scarlet. Mr. D and I have talked about a threesome, with either a man or a woman. Neither one of us have tried it and neither one of us have ever been with the same sex. We have always said that we both think it would ruin us and our relationship......but it's great in fantasy.

    Whatever you chose I would imagine there is going to have to be a ton of talking about it and then maybe a lil more talking!!! You mentioned that you love "eating pussy".....have you been with a girl before....and with your Master?

    1. For the longest time, Master felt that way too. Now TTWD has opened us both up more sexually and so doors that were previously closed (for me, for Him, for both of us) are now cracked or fucking wide open.

      i have been with women before on several occasions. i am bisexual and have gone through a couple periods where i dated/slept with women exclusively. i've had two threesomes (two women/1 man both times) but never with Master before.


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