Musings and Remembrance

There’s a wonderful anonymity to this world of Blogger.  The ability to be open and honest about TTWD.  i had a conversation with Master earlier this past week about this and having to keep so much of what we do and who we are now to ourselves.  It gets old after awhile.

I still am not sure which, if any, of our current circle of friends we would ever tell about TTWD openly.  It just doesn’t seem like something that would go over very well.

I am reminded this week that life snatched away the friend that I would have loved sharing this journey with.  He would have loved hearing about all of this, gossiping about it, and helping me shop for sex toys.  No judgement or condemnation.  Hell, he’d be excited and egging me on.

He was such an important part of my life; i love him dearly and i miss him and hate not being able to tell him about this.  This past week marked 2 years since he lost his battle with cancer.  It hits me hard on the anniversary and there are times throughout the year where i catch myself wanting to talk and gossip with him so much.  A smell or a song, a phrase or a memory hits me just right.

Answers: Tori's Questions

These questions came from Tori over at Pain's Pleasure.  Thanks!  It has been fun to ask questions and go back and read the answers.  If you're not playing, you should.  If you have questions, ask them.  There's a whole month to fill.

What makes you feel most submissive?

i really want to take the easy way out and say that i feel most submissive when i’m doing a task for Him, like training, or something that makes me feel connected to Him.  But the longer i’ve thought about this, the more i’ve realized that i feel most submissive when He is being especially “hard”.  (i promise to write about this more in depth as i get caught up, lol)

With our separation, what we have to connect us is communication.  A lot of communication.  i was actually pondering the amount of emails and FB messages the other day.  You would think with the ability to plan out better what i say before i say it, that i’d be able to keep myself out of trouble more.  But no. no, my brain has gotten my mouth into trouble so many times.  And in these times, when He’s correcting me, or disciplining me, through harsh words that sting; this is when i feel most submissive.

i think it’s partly because i am finding that i enjoy when His words are rougher, harsher, meaner.  Not that i enjoy being punished, but being put in my place makes be feel very submissive.  If He was home, i imagine it would be accompanied by His hand around my neck  or another similar action.  Many times, He will tell me what He would do if He were home so that plays into it.

Favourite implement?

Right now it’s one of Master’s old leather belts.  Which is surprising, considering how large our toy box has gotten in recent months.  But as i like pain, it’s the only one that we have that i can effectively use on myself.  Also, it’s a little high up there right now because i managed to bring myself to orgasm beating myself so we have a great a relationship right now.  i thoroughly expect to start a love/hate relationship with it as soon as Master gets home since i am under no delusions that his beatings will be at all similar to mine, lol.

Pretty sure that Master would say that His favorite is the Magic Wand.  This is because He’s sadistic and likes nothing better than torturing my pussy and it’s the perfect device for it.  i already have a love/hate relationship with toy, lol.

3 things you really want to try?

1. Threesome with another woman.  This is has been a fantasy for me since long before we started TTWD and something that has taken years to get on the table.  And not just to play with Master and another woman, but i would like to watch Master with another woman and not be allowed to participate.  (and i’m totally aware of the double standard between being ok with this and not being ok with additional men…working on that one, but i’m bisexual so this the best of both worlds for me)
2. Rope bondage.  It’s not something we’ve tried yet but i really like the beauty of the way it looks, the different ties, the colors of the ropes against the skin.  Though it takes a while so it’s entirely possible that neither one of us has the patience for it, lol.
3. Watersports.  This item has recently come off the hard limits list and it will be something that gets tried when Master comes home now.  i have my fellow bloggers to blame thank for this one, lol.  (i won’t name names).

Question Time

Look at that, i have survived the term from hell.  Now to get caught up on a few things, like my blog which i have really missed.  Ehh, where to start?  Herein lies the problem.  Too much too talk about; no clue where to start.  Fuck it, let's procrastinate a little longer!

So i see that March is Q&A time around here.  So ask away.  i'll answer questions that won't jeopardize my anonymity.  Anything else is open book.  If you're not comfortable posting your question here, there's a contact form at the bottom of my blog to email your questions to me.