Sometimes i wonder what other people would think of our conversations. i know our vanilla friends would fucking flip out at some of the things we talk about and some of the ideas that we have.
One of my tasks last week was to take topless pictures and send them to Master throughout the day while he was enjoying some much deserved down time. i was to make sure that i posed with a few toys in some of them. Later that evening, he was out in a bar drinking with some friends. He started asking me how i would feel if He showed the pictures that i had sent Him to a friend He was drinking with. Being the good little whore that i am, i reminded Him that my body was His. If He wanted to show my pictures off, He could. In my mind, i thought this was a test to see if i would respond the way He wanted me to.
You’ve made ________ very hard, scarlet.
WTF? i didn’t really say that, that would have been disrespectful. Though my actual response still got my sense of disbelief across. And apparently had Master convinced that He’d gone too far and pissed me off. It didn’t. i just hadn’t expected that He was actually going to do it and i was hit with this overwhelming sense of embarrassment. What i had sent Master was quickly taken cell phone photos and i hadn’t been wearing makeup and my hair was thrown up in a shabby ponytail/knot. Seriously? i look like a bum…ragged and overtired…mom….so not sexy.
And these were shots of my face too! So far the only shared photos have been the ones on my blog and they have been carefully edited. This was definitely a new achievement for me with a new boundary crossed. Still can’t believe He did that.
The other part of our conversation that evening involved the possibility of Master enjoying the company of a paid companion. Lol, why does the hooker scene from Full Metal Jacket ALWAYS pop into my head?
i have odd views about sex, love, and marriage. Some day i’ll get into them. It would probably shock everybody that this was more my idea than His. i feel that part of my role is to ensure that my Master’s needs are taken care of. Right now, i can’t be there to do that. i’ve assured Master that i am completely comfortable with Him being with someone else, even if i wasn’t there. We’ve actually talked about it several times over the past few months.
So when He said that His friend had a connection and that it could actually happen…
i had that moment where my heart sped up for a second. i had to stop and evaluate. The last thing i wanted was to wake up the next morning crushed emotionally because i allowed something that i wasn’t really ok with. But faced with a hypothetical becoming a probable…i still felt the same. i told Master to enjoy himself. Be safe...but enjoy getting His cocked sucked.
i was actually disappointed when He told me that the plans fell through. i was looking forward to hearing about His experiences. The whole idea of Him with another woman turns me on.