and you shall receive.
Sometimes more than you want and not in the way you want.
i’ve mentioned that the last few week(ends) have been stressful. Usually by the end of the week, my college deadlines are breathing down my neck, my children are all home and driving me nuts, and i’ve got training or other tasks for Master. i would love nothing more than to be able to focus solely on my submission and my Master’s desires, but life gets in the way of our fantasy world way too often.
Master has been very understanding this week and very gracious. We’ve worked each day to find time to talk, time to train and complete tasks, and time for me to focus on school and kids and other “real life” things.
My posts from last week had been the jumping point for several conversations. Some of it went well, some of it not so well. i got a wonderful affirmation that i had to carry with me and ready periodically throughout the day….
I am a mother.
I am a student.
I am a submissive.
Most importantly, I AM A STRONG, BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.
I can do ANYTHING.
Today I will shed my fears and pity, and I will show the world my strength.
It has really helped me this week. And Master has noticed it too. Thanks to Aunt Flo, it was Wednesday before i got to train for the week. It pushed my boundaries again, pretending to be with another man while Master (one of His fantasies), talking out how much i wanted to suck and fuck this other “man”. i think i tackled it better than i have in the past, i hope he’s pleased with the video when He sees it. Plus after a week of no orgasms, it was really nice to get off.
As we got closer to the weekend, i could feel my stress level rising a little, but i was determined that i would be in control of that. After all, i can do ANYTHING. (side note – Katy Perry’s Roar pops into my head just about every time i read this affirmation. <eyeroll> daughters.) Master decided He would help me keep my stress level down and get everything done. No more training until my course work was done. Seriously? Now that’s just wrong. i just went a week without an orgasm and now i’m getting this week’s taken away. i was pretty devastated…even though i know that it was in my best interest, it still felt like a punishment. i really look forward to my training at the end of a long day.
In the end, it was a probably a good thing. i had everything finished by 2pm on Sunday. That hasn’t happened in since last term. i even had time to be sick and go to bed at 10 pm one night! Completely unheard of in my world. The walls didn’t even come crumbling down either.
Come Sunday…i was eager for training. Or maybe i was eager for an orgasm, lol. But then Master had some stuff come up and wasn’t able to get me my tasks. i was expecting to hear from Him at 11pm but it was approaching midnight before i got the first email. As it was getting late, He suggested that i could just go to bed. Hell no! i politely told Him i still wanted to train. He was rushed with work so didn’t have time to plan for me and wanted to know my thoughts. i suggested the training that He’d cancelled from earlier in the week. He seemed surprised given how tired and under the weather i’d been and asked if i’d rather just have a fun session with my favorite vibrator. Tempting…oh how i love my rabbit vibe. i said no, i wanted the other training. i don’t want to short change myself. Besides, in that training, i still got to finish with the rabbit, lol! Win-win! If i take this opportunity to be lazy, then i’m going to expect another one down the road. i want the hard task. i want to be pushed. It was worth it; i really enjoyed it. Partly because i just needed the release and partly because i knew that i had impressed Master with my own dedication.
Still looking for balance between all my responsibilities. i don’t want to have one area suffering at the expense of the other, especially when that area is my submission. Still working on letting go, and even pushing my own self to exceed Master’s expectations. But it’s a journey and even with the downs and little speed bumps, i still enjoy every minute.