Friday, November 8, 2013

The feeling of dread

            Any instructions for me as i run errands today, Master?

            Yes, slut, stainless steel butt plug, no panties, no bra.

            Ugh.  My stomach immediately felt sick and in knots.  Public humiliation is probably the thing that i hate the most.   i don’t like attention drawn to me…when my kids throw tantrums in restaurants, i take them outside.  i don’t do well with people’s eyes on me; i just want to go about my business.  Master knows this and He knows that this is one of those boundaries that He can push and test.

            This is the t-shirt i was wearing sans bra…

            My nipples are perpetually hard due to the piercings.  They stick out; not to mention that my boobs no longer defy gravity and i can no longer pull off a chic braless look.  I was walking around the house for a bit, getting ready, and realized that the whole t-shirt-no-bra thing wasn’t going to work with brand new pierced nipples. i kept bumping them and they kept rubbing the inside of my shirt.  They hadn’t hurt since i got them and now they were bothering me.  So, i made the decision to switch to a tank with a built-in bra, little support and more protection for my nipples, but not much…they still stick out quite noticeably…i hoped Master would be ok with the switch as i could only email him to let Him know what i had done…

            The entire time, my stomach is still in knots.  i feel the acid building up; i think i’m going to be sick.  Where i’m going to run errands is not Walmart, not a location where it’s ok to look trashy.  i can only imagine the reactions (even now, writing about it, my stomach knots up).  But i pull myself together and head out.

            My instructions were also to look people in the eye and notice their reactions.  It pretty much went the way you would expect.  Dirty looks from women.  Extended stares from men.  I did notice that if you catch people’s eye, it makes them uncomfortable and they look away.  People don’t make eye contact anymore.  i did get a little help from the baby who’s temper tantrums helped to distract people.  They weren’t interested in me when he was screaming.  Love that kid!  In the grocery store, my nipples were really obvious in the frozen foods section.  Of course, there just happened to be two workers (male) stocking at the time.  They seemed to enjoy the view.

            i found that i didn’t mind being stared at, when my body was being admired.  In fact, it turned me on a little.  However when i was being sneered at, it bothered me and i wanted to go home and change.   i was glad when it was over and felt a sense of relief on the way home, like i had been holding my breath the entire time i was out.

            Master was ok with the switch, once He saw that my nipples still stuck out considerably, and He understood the reasons behind the change.  i told Him that i didn’t enjoy it very much but He pulled the part about enjoying the two stockers out of me and told me that i would enjoy more stuff like this in time. Damn Him, why does He always have to be right?  i would much rather forgo the public humiliation for many other things.


  1. OH...Damn!! I feel like I could have written this myself. Good for you for following through and I know it such a relief when it's over and you realize you survived it. I've experienced the looks of horror from women and just the opposite from men but it still all horrifies me because like you, I don't like to be the center of public attention.

    It's good to know about looking people in the eye. I normally walk with my head up and try to stand proud but I don't really make a point of making eye contact.

    uggg...I just really feel for you. I hate the public humiliation too:(

    1. The best (or worst) part was the double dose of humiliation due to the screaming child. So not only am i getting this public humiliation as part of Master's task, but i'm getting a sizable dose of "mom humiliation" on behalf of my child.

  2. I think I am thanking my lucky stars this isn't on K's radar and he isn't as interested in breaking me through public humiliation. But I can see where it would be super effective in submission. Knowing me, I would wear the shirt with no bra...but I would neglect to mention I wore a shawl over the shirt...*whistles innocently*

    1. lol, yes, be glad. Though i don't think it's about breaking me as much as pushing me past my fears and my poor self image.

      It definitely wasn't warm enough for a tank top but the little cap sleeve sweater i wore over my shoulders didn't pull around to cover my breasts. it is nice that the weather is getting colder and there are only so many options for this type of public humiliations available at least until the weather warms up...then i'm sure He can think of plenty that could land me on the front page of People of Walmart.

  3. I despise public humiliation, and thankfully Sir said He will not do that to me. However, after my little purchase Pandora's box maybe opened...crikey, how do I get myself into these situations

    very proud of you

    1. You keep teasing us about this purchase. i can't wait to find out what it is.


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