Friday, November 22, 2013

The Pain Slut...beginnings

This post has taken me forever to write.  Not entirely sure why but i’ve been procrastinating it something fierce.  Maybe it’s because it involves me eating my own words. i actually tried to go find the exact words that needed to be eaten, but they’re buried in 300k+ Facebook messages. i think it went something like this…

i’m not interested in the pain aspect of this.  i like the bondage and the breath play and the service, and i’m ok with pain for pleasure.  But i’m don’t want to be spanked or beaten repeatedly or super hard, it’s not a turn on for me.

Be careful…your words will come back to haunt you.

It started with a comment that i made while writing about my new nipple piercings.  i said that i was a little disappointed that it hadn’t hurt more.  Master decided that we needed to explore this.  He knew.  They always do.

i was lying on a blanket on our living room floor.  my legs are spread, knees bent.  my cell phone was on the floor next to me, Master’s voice reaching out to me, giving me instructions.  Our video camera recorded my training session for Master to view later.

Massage your pussy, the outside, around your lips. Slow, circular motions.  Breathe in and out, deeply, slowly.

i comply, staring up at the ceiling fan above me turning slowly, the circulated air cooling my bare flesh.  Goosebumps form on my arms and legs.  Master’s voice is low and soothing.
We’re going to be working on a scale of 1-10, scarlet.  1 being very light and 10 being as hard as you can.  Take Trixie (our leather paddle) and give me 5 smacks on your pussy at a 3.  Then go back to massaging.
Just the sound of His voice has me wet.  i take Trixie in my right hand.  One. Two. Three. Four.  Five.  Each light smack makes my legs tremble.  i thank Master after i have finished and massage while i wait for His instructions.
Do you want more? Are You fucking kidding me?  Of course, i want more.  That was barely anything.  i just thought that.  i answered Him with an appropriate Yes Master.
10 smacks on your pussy at a 4, breathe in and smack yourself as your breathe out.   i don’t know if you’ve ever had to self-punish before, but there’s a lot going on right here.  i had to focus on my breathing.  Then hitting myself in the right spot at the right strength, and only as i was breathing out.  Yeah, that didn’t work very well.
Do you want more?  Yes Master, i want more! At this point, i’m getting annoyed at this slow pace.  i’m extremely turned on but i’m not progressing.  But i’m not in control of this training experience and i must be patient.  Though Master senses my frustration in my voice.


Alright my little pain slut, 15 at a 5, faster pace.
As the count (in sets of 10 and 15) and the intensity (up to 7 and 8) and the pace increase, so did my excitement.  My pussy was so wet, my legs shaking, i felt on the edge of coming the entire time.  Harder, faster, stronger…eventually getting the hang of breathing out as i smacked my pussy with the leather paddle.  Even with being able to brace myself, knowing when each smack was coming, i still jumped a little at each one.  But with the sharp pain came the most intense feelings of excitement and pleasure.  i wanted more, i wanted harder.  Though there was only so hard that i was going to be able to smack myself.  Listening to Master’s voice direct me just made me long for Him to be there in the room, taking over.
Yet the entire time my brain is spinning and i’m struggling to grasp what i’ve gotten myself into.  The inner struggle begins.  My pussy loves this!  My brain is screaming fuck no!  You don’t want this.  You never wanted this.  Why are you enjoying this?  What is wrong with you? 
i don’t really think anything is wrong with me, just that my desires and wants are evolving as my submission evolves.  What i do know is that since that first training day, my fantasies and my desires have taken a darker turn down a path that i never imagined that i would want.   i am learning to embrace this new part of my submission…becoming His pain slut. 
More to come…

7 comments:

  1. welcome to the club - pain slut!

    oh, the pussy is a bitch, she always does what she wants regardless what your brain says to do. At the sound of your Master, your pussy disconnects any logical association with the brain. Some of us refer to her as a stupid whore. :)

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    1. or traitorous bitch. I'm jus sayin. that's what mine is anyway.

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    2. and so the struggle between my brain and my pussy continues, lol. She is a stupid whr. And a traitorous bitch.

      Master is thrilled though. figures.

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  2. I certainly don't consider myself a masochist and there are times I really hate the pain...at least my brain does. But yeah...I'm with HS. Stupid whore is a perfect way to put it...lol!

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    1. i could have sworn...in fact i did, quite vehemently, that i wasn't a masochist. Yet, i seem to be getting off on it quite well and my brain keeps coming up with ideas (why?) for new and more interesting things for Master to do when He gets home.

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  3. I definitely don't classify myself as a pain slut - it's never been my thing...except when he takes it one step too far, and he's deliberately pushing my limits. I think it's awesome and it makes me want just a little more - how much more can I take? There is nothing wrong with you, at all. You are just experiencing the divide between what you think you want, and what you really want. *hug*

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    1. i didn't mind a little pleasurable pain as part of the experience, but my caveat was no bruises or marks, which rules out a lot. Now, i'm like, eh, just make sure i can cover them up with clothes.

      You ever take a step back and look at yourself from the outside? It's like part of me wants to smack the other part of me. But that part is having too much fun with this. lol

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