Monday, December 23, 2013

When things don’t go as planned

Our dynamic is a little odd right now with thousands of miles separating us.  It requires creativity in my submission, service, and training.  It also means that i spend quite a bit of time fucking myself for His pleasure.

Masturbating is tiring.

There i said it.  At the end of the day, when i’m done with an entire day’s worth of bullshit…yes…yes, i want more than anything to go relieve the tension and have a mind-blowing orgasm.  But it’s finding the strength in my arms (i don’t get how men jack off several times a day) to go at it for more than a few minutes without a vibrator.

My body hates me.

i was supposed to masturbate with as much of my hand in my pussy as i could get (there’s a lesson in why yoga is important).  Bring myself to orgasm three times.  i was allowed to use the finger vibe for clit stimulation only once i got close.

Two minutes in and my right hand starts to cramp.  Stop and rub fingers.  Damn joints.  Back to task.  More cramping.  Stop again.  This is going to be a great, sexy video.  Switch to left hand.  Left hand cramps.  Mother Fuckin, God Damn joints.  Try a different angle.  Eh, little better. 

i then managed to hurt myself, slightly, but enough to have to stop completely. (i did mention Murphy has come to visit for the holidays right?).  i can write about it with a slight humorous edge, but truthfully…

It sucks.

i am learning not to beat myself up about it too much.  No, it didn’t go as planned.  But i didn’t fail.  My attitude and desire to complete my task was where it needed to be.  i couldn’t foresee the cramps or the injury.  Master wasn’t here to tell me to stop and i’m allowed to decide for myself.  And He won’t fault me for not wanting to cause further injury.

It does bother me not to complete a task.  One because then i don’t get to orgasm (and that might be my only one for the week)!  And two because then i’ve not done what He’s asked of me.  Then i don’t feel “right” with Him until the morning when i can talk to Him about it and He acknowledges that it’s ok or He tells me what i can do to make it up to Him.

i’m blaming Murphy…i know that fucker had something to do with this.

**Master reads all my posts before i post them.  i meant to add that He did tell me this morning that He everything is ok and there is no need to make anything up to Him.  And something about my Christmas presents and orgasms, lol.**


  1. I'm so glad I don't have tasks like this. Master doesn't have any urge to make me play with myself in awkward uncomfortable ways. Thankfully. Then we'd just have another thing to argue about. Hee. I would be perfectly okay with him giving me an assignment to masturbate, in a way that actually works for me, vibrator. But I don't have time to spend on masturbating uncomfortably, especially with negative after-effects. I'm transitioning to menopause this year and one bizarre symptom is I keep kinking my neck and shoulder in my sleep or if it's tensed up in an awkward position for too long. I need to be able to dress myself and do my job, so definitely not going out of my way to strain something.

    1. This was a new one for me too. i really prefer a vibrator but i wanted to try something new, both for me and for Him. And i don't usually have these crazy mishaps (i've had the baby wake up and interrupt me) during my training...i just had to laugh because with all the crazy stuff that's gone wrong outside of TTWD in the last couple of weeks, this seemed par for the course. lol

  2. oh i hate using my hands. if i don't have my vibe with me, then it's no orgasms either. it's impossible. i cramp EVERYWHERE. toes, calves, hip flexors, fingers, wrist starts aching, and it's just way too painful to continue. LOL

    one thing i know, is if anything begins to NOT feel good anymore, BIKSS is the first to say stop. He's really adamant about me enjoying sex, with or without him.


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